Hello friends,
It’s been two weeks since Skyla passed, and each day feels different. I miss her immensely. Some days it seems like she’s been gone so long, others it’s hard to believe a few weeks have passed by. The grief cycle is very much alive. I have my moments of frustration and anger about why she had to be cut short in life, and why she had to endure such a difficult disease. I think about what I could have done differently. But I’m also engulfed in so many incredible memories. I can close my eyes and be welcomed with a specific time over her 11 years where my love was overflowing, and she was soaking it all in. There is no question in my mind that her love was just as real as mine.
Skyla’s ashes were returned home by the kind mobile vet. I took her for a hike, and spread the first bit of ashes at one of our favorite hike spots. We call it the “sunset hike” because it’s an amazing place to watch the sun set behind the Cascades. It was comforting bringing her along, even if it was in a whole different way. I hope to spread a little bit of her ashes at some of her favorite places as I revisit them. I had dreams of doing many other hikes with her, but it wasn’t in the stars for her to go along on paw. One of those hikes is on the Pacific Crest Trail. I’m just starting to dream up the specifics of that backpacking trip for next year. She will still accompany me in spirit, and I can leave some of her ashes on the trail. She won’t be missing a beat.
In a few days, our little family is headed out on a camping trip. We will be trekking through Oregon and Washington. When we set the dates we had no idea she wouldn’t be with us. We wanted to show her so many new spots to explore. I think it’s going to be tough on us. While we are gone, it will also be Skyla’s “adoptaversary.” Just another day to cherish.
One day at a time. One foot in front of the other.
A friend of mine shared this on Facebook recently. I keep reflecting on it:
What Grief Is…
The agony is great and yet I will stand it.
Had I not loved so very much,
I would not hurt so much.
But goodness knows I would not want
to diminish that precious love by one fraction.
I will hurt and I will be grateful for it.
For it bears witness to the depth of our meanings
and for that I will be eternally grateful.
~ Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross
1 comment so far ↓
Skyla will be forever with you on your hikes. She’ll send you signs (if she hasn’t already) of her presence. And I’m certain they’ll be on these hikes.
Biggest of hugs to you.
Jeanette & Angel Boone